I have long been fanatical about my mouth - not my lips, but that great inner grinding vortex that facilitates my life!
There is nothing about a person's physical appearance that is more important to me than his or her teeth and, if they get close enough, breath. I think my obsession stems from early childhood memories of my great uncle, a mountain of a man with a heart of comparable size. I loved it when he came to visit - always laden down with gifts for my brother and me. He'd throw us in turn over his shoulder in a fireman's lift, trundle down the slope of our garden to the river bank and make a big display of pretending to throw us in the murky waters. When he returned us to the top of the garden and went to collect the other excited brother, he'd be red-faced and panting. That's where my love affair with him ended.
Uncle Jim had the foulest breath I think I've ever smelt in a human being. Even my puppy's poop never smelled so bad! I remember recoiling from the putrid stench whenever he laughed or leaned over to kiss me. As cruel as we knew it to be, my brother and I would make private jokes about Uncle Jim's "horror breath" accompanied by exaggerated choking-to-death gestures and raucous laughter. When Uncle Jim later passed away with stomach cancer, we felt ridden with guilt and, even today, I have pangs of remorse when I think of our childhood cruelty.
While I now know the reasons for my uncle's anti-social breath, I cannot escape my need to have a clean mouth. It has led me to try every new product that promises to deliver a showbiz smile and baby pure breath. I have probably killed off any healthy as well as offending bacteria - at least temporarily - as I've flooded my mouth with pharmaceutical approved chemicals. I've purchased a plethora of 'green' products, some of which have been very good, others of which have tasted foul. I've tried oxygen tablets, mud-flavoured miracle pastes, citrus washes, breath sprays and even gone on eight-week breath cleansing programs. I've adjusted my diet, cut down proteins, wine and coffee, drunk water and more water in an effort to keep my body and mouth hydrated but it never feels enough. My dentist laughs at me and tells me to keep flossing and brushing my tongue and cheeks. I do all this and my girlfriend doesn't complain when we kiss, but she's a sweet girl - that's why we're together.
More recently, I came across a website promising to annihilate bad breath in just three days using just two common household ingredients from my kitchen. My obsession demands my interest in any new discovery which, of course, I must investigate. What made me really sit up and take notice was the promise that one simple ingredient could reverse tooth decay! Reverse it? If this is true, no wonder the dentists are keeping it from us. It would put them out of business!
As it happens, an esteemed Professor of Periodontology and co-founder of the International Dental Health Association has taken the time to endorse the report's content.
The report contains so many other gems, such as a device that can zap cavities harmlessly into oblivion, a simple secret that can make dental cavities heal themselves naturally, a simple procedure to permanently eliminate those foul-smelling tonsil stones and even ... wait for it ... a genetic engineering breakthrough to re-grow lost teeth! Now, I haven't lost any teeth (knock on wood), but that claim alone piqued my curiosity enough to find out more! Re-grow teeth? Yeah, whatever!
Over the years, I've spent thousands of dollars on oral healthcare when, it now transpires, I need have spent virtually zilch! That hurts. I could probably have bought me a few overseas trips (I love to travel) or the prized Ferrari Hamann 430 that taunts me daily from a picture on my fridge!
This is the website address that has ended my quest for oral hygiene, at least for now!! I just wish I'd had this knowledge years ago. I guess I have to thank Uncle Jim for losing me a lot of money :) and ultimately leading me to the holy grail of oral health.
http://www.heavenlybreath.com
